I can’t remember when I first downloaded a dating app, but I know since then it’s been a back and forth of me deleting and re-downloading. Now, I think I’m officially done with them for good because I’ve realized that they truly aren’t for me. Here’s a list of three reasons why:
Intentions, Intentions, Intentions
If I am being very honest with you, whenever I re-download dating apps on my phone, it is out of complete boredom. I don’t truly expect to find someone. I have no intention of following through on building anyone I come across. Intentions on dating apps can be truly all over the place and especially hard to gauge. Some are looking for long term relationships while others are looking for quickies. I have no time to be sorting through all the different levels of intent. Don’t get me wrong I know people who have been successful finding a significant other through dating apps, but they most likely had the intention to find someone else. For others, myself included, the app is just a source of instant gratification.
I know people who have been successful finding a significant other through dating apps, but they most likely had the intention to find someone else.
I’m A Flake
Maybe I’m being harsh on myself or maybe it’s just self awareness. I have so much going on, and getting me out of the house and on a date (with someone I’ve never even seen or met before at that) is a long shot. If you’re reading this and you’ve been personally victimized by my unwillingness to go out, consider this an apology.
This brings me to the point that navigating dating apps as a black woman is a very unique experience.
Fetishes Are Annoying
“I’ve never dated a black girl.” “You’re beautiful for a black girl” *Insert some other line related to the fact that I’m a black girl* Yes, indeed, I am fully aware of my race. This brings me to the point that navigating dating apps as a black woman is a very unique experience. Black women have to think about the idea that someone’s interest, or lack thereof, is rooted in our race, the color of our skin, the texture of our hair…the list goes on. Trust me, I am very confident, and if someone isn’t interested in me that’s cool. I’m also not saying that I don’t see race when I date either. Still, the racism and fetishes I’ve come across on apps, makes me lose interest in them altogether.
Final Thoughts
I love meeting new people in person. Although it may seem like I enjoy staying in the comfort of my own home. I am an extrovert and I thrive off of other people’s energy. So while I’m saying no to dating apps, I’ll be sticking to doing things the old fashioned way (with the exception of Instagram because I do believe the whole down in the DM thing is fair game for me …maybe I’ll save that topic for another day.) Thanks for reading!
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. “1 Corinthians 13:4-7
