- Several weeks ago, The Shade Room posted a call to all men asking them to share relationship advice to other males. They did the same for women too. Needless to say the comments had me rolling, but there were also some gems too. That and the general craze about all things relationships and dating that kicks into full swing in your 20s has got me thinking about all the dating trends of our generation that I could certainly do without.
Just for reference, I don’t have particularly extensive experience in relationships so when I say dating trends, I’m referring to that talking and getting to know you stage. That’s what I’m most familiar with at this point in my life!
“_____________________” (AKA “ghosting”)
This is a big one and I can’t even lie, I’ve been guilty of it myself. For those who don’t know, ghosting occurs essentially when you’re dating or communicating with a romantic interest. You may have even gone on a few dates or had a few encounters and them BOOM, radio silence. Your romantic interest stops answering texts, phone calls, DMs–everything–without any warning.
There are a couple of reasons I’m over ghosting. First, in this day and age of social media, no one can truly ghost without the other person knowing. I can see if you posted on your other accounts and even if you’ve watched my stories on Instagram and Snapchat.
In the long run you’re just much better off telling that person the truth rather than leading them on.
Second, and more importantly, you just have to do better with communication. If you can’t handle sending a simple text saying “it’s been great getting to know you but I am not interested in pursuing anything further” or “I just don’t see this going anywhere”, maybe you shouldn’t be messing around with peoples’ feelings at all… All I’m saying is it says a good amount about your character if you’re just fine with silently throwing up the deuces to someone you communicated with relatively often.
Now, there are some people like me who ghost simply because they feel bad at the prospect of turning down a genuinely a nice person. Fair excuse, but it’s still just that–an excuse. I had to tell myself that even if it’s the nicest and most genuine person in the world, I don’t owe him anything. In the long run you’re just much better off telling that person the truth rather than leading them on. If you’re a chronic ghoster for this reason exactly, there are plenty of resources on the internet that can help you deliver a message like this.
“When Am I Going To See You”
Moral of the story: if you’re trying to make moves, make them and if you’re not, be honest about that.
“Wyd.” “Nm jc, you?” And that’s where we can end this conversation. If we’re still sending texts like this weeks into texting, something has got to give. The whole “when a I going to see you” text is what irks me the most because the answer to that question is simple for the person asking it. Chances are you can see said person as soon as you want to. Ask them for a day they are free, come up with an idea for plans and then stick to it. If the other person is dodging and weaving you even after you’ve communicated clear plans, chances are they’re not that into you. If you’re the person dodging and weaving making plans, see my previous section about ghosting because the same frame of thinking applies. Moral of the story: if you’re trying to make moves, make them and if you’re not, be honest about that.
“We Used to Talk”
Even though I’ve used the phrase multiple times in this post, “talking” is one of those millennial dating terms that is still hard to define. The definition may change from person to person but at it’s barest minimum it involves some form of well…talking.
Sometimes people get in the habit of telling everyone and their mama that we used to “talk” to someone.
Of course not all talking was created equal and sometimes things are short and sweet, or sour perhaps. Either way if it didn’t go anywhere, I’d prefer to leave it at that. Sometimes people get in the habit of telling everyone and their mama that they used to “talk” to someone. Apparently it’s also supposed to be the reason one of your friends doesn’t pursue anything with that person (jury is still out on this one).
Either way, circles are so small that I’m starting to believe everyone used to talk to everyone. So I’d rather people just leave it at “they’re a friend” or “we used to be acquainted but not anymore” or even not mention any association with that person at all. That way you’re not making a potentially small situation much bigger than it really was.
“I Can Change Your Mind”
One of the biggest struggles I’ve faced while trying to navigate dating in my twenties is being up front about my lack of interest. When I say upfront I mean telling the honest truth. So hypothetically speaking if a man I fully know I’m not interested in asks me for my number, I’m more likely to defer to a statement like “I have a boyfriend” than I am to simply state “No thank you. I am not interested.” Now of course we could spend some time unpacking this alone. Yes, I know there’s something to be said about allowing a man to think that the only reason I’m not interested is because of another man. However I take issue with the reply I get from this in most situations: “well, maybe I can change your mind”
If she’s not that into you….she’s just not that into you.
Sir. First, no. Second, it’s highly problematic to assume there is something you can do for a woman to change her mind regarding her interest in you. At best it means you lack any care for that woman’s opinion and at worst it screams rape culture. If she’s not that into you….she’s just not that into you.
Final Thoughts
As always, this isn’t an exhaustive list but just a sneak peak into my biggest dating pet peeve phrases. Think I missed any from this list? Drop some in the comments below!
#EniGivenSunday
