1. How Often Do We Spend Talking About Others?

This one is big for me. When I say “talking about others” I mean gossip. I’d hope that a friendship is about cultivating growth and learning through sharing hopes, goals, dreams and all of that other cliche stuff. How are we possibly supposed to do that if our conversations revolve around whether so-and-so are dating, this person’s latest hairstyle, or the latest drama dished out from that person. Before I made an active effort to shut it out of my life, gossip was a HUGE component of a lot of conversations I held with people. The true test of a friendship is if you can axe all of that out and still have something substantive and productive to discuss. I am by no means an model citizen when it comes to toning it down on the gossip but I will say that I’ve made an active effort to reduce it in all of my meaningful friendships.

2.Do We Share Our Goals With Each Other?  

I feel like in elementary school, you’d know “everything” about your BFF from their middle name and parent’s occupation to their phone number and address. That was cute and all but I feel like friendships in your adult years require a little more knowledge about one another. I’m not talking just about who you’re dating or where you’re planning on traveling to next. But when I’m evaluating my friendships I ask myself, am I comfortable sharing my short or long term goals with this person?

I do not take sharing goals and dreams lightly. If I do, it says a lot about the trust we have established and my expectations for the future of that friendship.

I’m a relatively private person especially when it comes to my goals. It could be the case that I have what I like to call “Joseph syndrome”, derived from the story of Joseph in the Bible. If you’re not already familiar with it, Joseph had huge dreams, visions and aspirations to become a leader of his nation but when he told his brothers–yes, his own blood– they sold him into slavery out of jealousy. Granted he ultimately fulfilled his destiny because well, it was his destiny, but ever since I’ve fully understood and interpreted this story, I do not take sharing goals and dreams lightly. If I do, it says a lot about the trust we have established and my expectations for the friendship of that friendship.

If you’re not like me and you have no problem sharing your goals with any and everyone… that’s cool too. Then you just have to ask yourself if you friendship is actually pushing you to reach those goals. Sometimes some of our friends are the same people passively rooting for our downfall out of jealousy. A friendship worth keeping will keep you focused and encourage you to succeed!

3. What Does Criticism Look and Feel Like?

When I publish a new blog post or post a new Youtube video one of the first things I do is send it along to friends. I realize that when I do this, it’s not only because I want their support, it’s because I want their criticism. I’ve gotten some of the best constructive criticism from close friends and the best part about it is that there’s no harm done when it’s shared. How you receive feedback says a lot about yourself but the way you give feedback or criticism to your friends says a lot about that relationship.

I’ve gotten some of the best constructive criticism from close friends and the best part about it is that there’s no harm done when it’s shared.

Does criticism even happen at all? Because if it doesn’t you may be friends with someone who isn’t willing to correct you when you’re wrong. Think about it, you’re bound to be wrong in at least some situation. Does criticism happen too much? If you think it does, then you may be close friends with someone who is just in the business of putting your down and nitpicking your every move. Does the feedback leave a bad taste in your mouth almost every time? That means instead of allowing you to grow, it’s hurting you. You have to do some serious reflection about if that’s something you want to continue to feel.

Final Thoughts

Of course, there’s really no “one size fits all” way to determine what friendships need to end or those that will truly be lifelong. Regardless, I still think at various stages in life we have to evaluate the people who keep close to us. Hopefully these questions stir up some reflection for you regarding the relationships in your life. The most important piece though is communication. If you feel like you have a friendship that’s not bringing positive vibes into your life, communicate that first before you just cut people off. There’s always the chance that once you communicate some of the things you’re unhappy about, the friendship can change to account for that. All I’m saying is give people a chance too!

Of course, most may assume a basic expectation of friendship is to check in on each other. This isn’t formally on my list of questions to ask because I feel like that goes without saying (but trust me it’s easier said than done!) So keep that in mind as well!

What are some other questions that you think are critical to ask when evaluating friendships? Leave them in the comments below!

#EniGivenSunday