Hey loves! While you might have gotten to know a little bit about me from my first blog post, I figured it’s about time that I share a little bit more about who I am! This post is a “get to know me” Q&A where I answer questions that were submitted via my DMs and Questions on Instagram. The topics are all over the place cover everything from dating preferences to my motivation and advice to my younger self, so let’s get into it!

What motivates you?

Hands down: family. Family because my mom has sacrificed a lot of me and my siblings to give us the opportunities we have today. Also family because I know the decisions I make now will have an impact on the way my children and future generations of my family will experience life. Basically the fact that it’s not just about me is motivation enough for me.

I know the decisions I make now will have an impact on the way my children and future generations of my family will experience life.

How do you deal with challenges?

For one, when I’m stressed out, I sleep. Point. Blank. Period. When I’m tired, there’s really no use in trying to be productive. Taking a quick power nap or just calling it a night altogether definitely helps me reset. But also, I think facing challenges for me is all about that tunnel vision mindset. I tell myself to take things one day at a time. Deadlines and due dates come and go and ultimately whatever struggle I’m going through will pass.

What’s one thing you would tell your younger self?

Funny this was asked because I’ve actually been considering writing a post on advice I would give to my freshman, sophomore, junior and senior year self. So for my response to this question I’ll keep it brief and general enough. I’d tell myself that kindness and compassion go a long way. It’s easy to get caught up in the mayhem of high school and college drama. In my first post I talk about how looking back on college experience I know I wasn’t always the warmest person to be around. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that I didn’t really demand much emotionally from my friends and other people around me. That definitely doesn’t excuse the fact that I could have been a much better support system for others. Lucky for me tomorrow is a new day and I constantly get the chance to work on myself.

How do you balance your accomplishments with your ability to stay humble? 

Going to Harvard as a whole is a very humbling experience. There were so many people around me who were just amazing at life in general. While I have no doubt that I am smart and deserve all of the great things that come my way, being around people who are just bosses at life keeps me level-headed.

I’d also say becoming a teacher makes me realize that success in life is much more complex than just staying focused and doing your work and “staying out of trouble”. Some people don’t have the parental guidance, resources, or mere luck that can bring success. In sum, it’s just a constant awareness of the fact that I really didn’t do much to earn what I have. I’ve just been blessed.

What’s one food and one beverage you couldn’t live without?

How about what’s one whole food establishment that I can’t live without? Because Chick-Fil-A definitely takes the cake. It’s funny because the first time I had Chick-Fil-A was on a trip to Atlanta in 2016. I honestly don’t even really truly like chicken (don’t ask) . But I definitely can’t live without spicy chicken sandwiches and cookies and cream milkshakes.

Do you prefer to or feel like you have to date/marry a Nigerian?

Short answer? No. Absolutely not. To be specific I think the question was something along the lines of “Marry a Nigerian? Is it by fire or by force?” (If you’re Nigerian you probably read that with an accent. I’ve obviously translated into the question above. But here’s my longer answer:

I used to have a preference for dating and marrying a Nigerian for cultural reasons. I’m very big on my own culture and heritage. This is the same girl who studied Yoruba for all four years of college. Anyways all of that is to say I am a proud Nigerian. I envision passing on my strong cultural ties to my future children. However, now I believe the most important aspect to consider when I date (and ultimately consider marriage) is the alignment of values. The top priority in my life is my relationship with God. There are certainly many Nigerian men who share that value but there are plenty of men from other backgrounds who do as well. (And of course, there are many men, Nigerian or not, who don’t.)

I end up tolerating a lot of unacceptable treatment and, in some cases, fully ignore HUGE red flags simply because they fit some textbook definition of what I wanted.

I’ve found that when I date a man based traits like the country he is from, what school he went to, or whether or not he is in a Divine 9 org–and if so which one– I end up tolerating a lot of unacceptable treatment and, in some cases, fully ignore HUGE red flags simply because they fit some arbitrary textbook definition of what I wanted.

One of my favorite podcasts right now, “Jesus and Jollof”, recently released an episode about Nigerian dating. A lot of what the hosts, Yvonne Orji and Luvvie Ajayi had to say truly resonated with me. They’re clearly over the pervasive patriarchy embedded in Nigerian culture and so am I. Many Nigerian men, both native to the country and even children of immigrants, believe that a woman must be the only one to do all things related to cooking, housekeeping, and childrearing. I get it. Some people may not have a problem with this. I’m not going to say that I don’t like to cook but I also know that I will have to work just as much as my spouse does. Needless to say I believe in balance. But in at least some cases (this is me saying not all), whether they admit it or not, Nigerian men aren’t down to split the brunt of the work. So in some cases, I may even avoid dating Nigerian men altogether.

I don’t mean to sound harsh. The bottom line is, I’m not pressed either way to marry a Nigerian. Regardless of who I marry, I’ll be sure to pass on the Nigerian culture to my children. Luckily I have a mom who doesn’t place any added pressure for me to marry a certain person. As she always says, “I don’t care who you marry as long as you can stay married.”

Wrap-Up

Those are just some of the questions sent in that I was able to answer. I’m always open to answering more or even turning some of these questions into full blog posts! Don’t hesitate to leave a comment or send me a message via Instagram if you ever have any suggestions. Thanks for reading!

#EniGivenSunday