I’ve never been one to have a large amount of friends. Whether it’s because of the fact that I changed schools frequently while growing up or because of my personality, I’ve had a lot of friends come in and out of my life. In retrospect, I know I could and should have handled some “friendship breakups” way better than I did. This feeling comes with the territory of growth so I can’t be mad at that. Hopefully I don’t have to deal with fading friendships as much because I think I’ve got a pretty solid group at this point in my life, but if I do, or if you’re feeling like there are some people in your life that you have to distance yourself from, here’s what you should do to deal with the fading friendship. Keep in mind the following are recommendations for friendships you know for a fact you don’t want to salvage.
Communicate What’s Missing Or Wrong
My thoughts about ghosting in the dating context transfer over to friendships as well. Communication is key. If you generally feel yourself needing space from a person, communicating that feeling can be hard but worthwhile in the long run. What are you missing from the friendship that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to get out of it? At what point was there a line crossed that you simply can’t move forward from? What values do you have that the other person doesn’t share? Honesty in this way shows maturity and true care for the other person. Instead of abruptly ending contact there can be a mutual understanding of a shift in the nature of the relationship.
If you generally feel yourself needing space from a person, communicating that feeling can be hard but worthwhile in the long run.
Communication may look different for each friendship. You may be doing this through a face-to-face meeting, through text, or even a letter. Either way make sure to be honest and, with love, say it like it is.
Save The Drama For Your Mama
That’s not to say that there won’t be drama through the process. I think Love & Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, and almost every other reality show covers all the scenarios of what can go wrong when a friendship goes awry. Most of these negative situations have a common thread: gossip. When you communicate with everyone except the person you should be communicating with, you open the door for drama. You run the risk of dragging the end of a friendship out way longer than it needs to be. Once you’ve had a productive conversation with said friend about the end of the relationship, leave it at at!
“What ever happened to that girl you used to hang with all the time?” “I noticed you unfollowed them on Instagram..what happened?” “Why don’t you hang out them anymore?” All of these are questions you should expect (unless you don’t actually unfollow anyone on Instagram). When faced with these questions I like to keep it at the fact that you weren’t good for each other as friends. Anything more opens the door to gossip spreading to other people who have no business knowing anything about your personal relationships.
Apologize. Then Let Go Of The Guilt
No one is innocent. If you think you are blameless, you’re in denial. Whether you did something to hurt the other person out of jealousy and envy or you took a more passive approach and weren’t there for them in a way that they wanted you to be, apologize for it. Even if you feel you did nothing wrong. Apologize for any time you weren’t a good friend. Then you have to move on.
There’s no point dwelling on what went wrong or how could you could have done anything differently.
You’re ending the friendship for a reason. If you’ve apologized you’ve acknowledged any wrongdoing on your part, that’s the most you can do. Wish the other person the best. There’s no point dwelling on what went wrong or how could you could have done anything differently. There’s also no point in letting the other person guilt trip you for being a bad friend. All there is to do at this point is to ask Alexa to play Thank U, Next.
Final Thoughts
Friendships come and go, that’s just the nature of life. Hopefully you learn something about yourself along the way and can move on with not only a better understanding of the right people to allow into your life but also insight on how to treat others with love and respect to ensure long lasting relationships.
“Walk with the wise and become wise for a companion of fools suffers harm”
Proverbs 13:20
