It’s almost summer a.k.a. “Hot Girl Summer”, or “Act Up” Season, or “Nice For What” weather, whatever you want to call it. These songs represent being and feeling unapologetic about the way we carry ourselves as women. And so in honor of the start of Hot Girl Summer, I’ve decided to share a list of 5 things women should never apologize for when dating.
Before we get into the list, I want to be clear about how I am defining dating in this context (and to be honest, how I define dating always). For one, through this entire post I am speaking from my experience as a heterosexual woman. Additionally, I am not referring to dating as an exclusive relationship with someone. Instead I am specifically thinking about situations when you are getting to know someone and going on dates, hence the verb form of the word date: dating. There has not been communication of or agreement to an exclusive relationship, but perhaps you are in the early stages of something that could be serious. Now for the full list of 5 things women should never apologize for when dating.
1. Credentials
As someone who has attended some of the most prestigious schools in the country, people pass a lot of judgement once they hear that I went to that school outside of Boston. I immediately get the “wow, you must be smart” to which I reply with a few words to downplay my intelligence. I’ve grappled with the “know-it-all” smart girl image since elementary school. As I’ve gotten older and had to navigate dating, I’ve subconsciously trained myself to work against that by holding back or keeping quiet to preserve a man’s ego.
The degrees and awards you’ve received, you earned them. That’s all you.
That certainly should not be the case. Where you went to school, the place you work, the degrees and awards you’ve received, you earned them. That’s all you. Yes, of course, humility is an important trait. But, that absolutely does not mean you are dimming your light to accommodate the ego of an insecure man.
2. Dating Other People
Please refer back to the introduction of this post for my definition of dating in this context. Unless there has been explicit communication that you are in an exclusive relationship, you shouldn’t have to apologize for getting to know other people. For some people it is important to be open and transparent about the fact that you are going on dates with multiple people. To others, it’s nobody’s business unless you’re moving towards something serious with one person. Whatever works for you works for you. Regardless, it is not a crime to, as a single person, get to know other see single people.
You shouldn’t feel bad about getting to know other people.
3. Saying “No”
To another date. Or to making more plans. Or to the 12 am booty call you consistently get. Of course, this is easier said than done for a lot of women including myself. Ive spoken about why it’s so difficult for me to be direct about my lack of romantic interest in someone. Still, the reality is that women do not owe the people they date anything and quite frankly, the same applies for men. If you’re no longer interested in seeing someone it is a natural part of the dating process. However, I am a strong proponent of being upfront about communicating your feelings instead of ghosting.
4. Faith
Everyone is at different stages when it comes to their faith journey, regardless of what you believe or don’t believe for that matter. No one should ever make you feel weird, uncomfortable or ashamed of how spiritual you are (or aren’t).
5. Schedule & Routines
Let me start off by saying this: I am a firm believer that no matter how busy you are, if you are genuinely interested in someone, you will find the time to see them. However, that does not mean your consistent plans should get thrown to the side whenever someone wants to see you. For example, Thursday nights might be perfect for grabbing a drink at a happy hour, but Thursday nights are also when my favorite spin instructor hosts her class. If someone asked me to hang out then, I’d probably say no because that is a part of my routine now. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be compromise when scheduling conflicts arise. Nor am I saying that you shouldn’t adjust your schedule. But you should not have to apologize for maintaining the routines and systems in your life that keep you sane, bring you stability, and promote your peace.
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHEN DATING?
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3
