Earlier this week, @PrinceDonnell posted a thread on twitter that took social media by storm. He shared with men a complete guide for the perfect date to make a woman fall “head over heels” for him. There was a lot of talk about the master plan he shared. I’ll be one to admit that at first I was generally a supporter of the idea. But after re-reading and interrogating some moves with my friends, I’m ready to say “not so fast” gentlemen. So here’s my take on @PrinceDonnell’s “perfect date”.
To get started, I want to put everything he said on the table. So here it is:
The Good…
- Advance notice of plans to go on a date. I’m personally not a fan of spontaneity especially not when it comes to a first date. I think giving a woman two weeks advance notice of the date is a good way to move not only for a romantic date but for all plans. Just be sure to follow up to make sure plans haven’t changed.
- Paying the bill. People have various opinions on who should pay for dates. My general rule of thumb is that in the early stages, whoever initiates the date should pay. In this case, the man clearly initiated and so he should be responsible for paying.
- Following up. It’s a pretty good idea to send some sort of follow up text after the date to say you had a good time and also it’s a great idea to make sure she gets to her next destination safely. Of course you may not want to go as far booking plans for another date because you don’t want to assume her availability or interest, but it’s nice to show you’re interested in seeing her again.
First impressions are important but that doesn’t mean you have to put on a whole performance.
The Bad…
- It seems like this entire date was done for the purpose of putting on a show. After reading this entire scheme, my first question was “is the goal to get to know someone or to get personal satisfaction of knowing you put on a show good enough to make her fall for you?” Are you a clean person who normally keeps your car clean as well? Are you praying because it’s actually something you would do if she weren’t there? Or are you doing it because you think it’s what she wants to see? If it’s the latter, please don’t bother. Yes, first impressions are important but that doesn’t mean you have to put on a whole performance.
- There’s a fine line between taking care of someone and speaking for them. A lot of what he suggested was outright speaking for the woman. Holding the door open and paying the bill? Sure, maybe that means you know what’s necessary (at a very basic level) to take care of a woman. Though I think that’s just chivalry. But, speaking for her when it’s time to order and telling her when the next date will be without even consulting her? That’s bold and that’s also in the territory of silencing a woman’s voice and agency in the situation.
- The plan assumes all women are the same. There were a number of times when he mentioned that a woman or all woman would love *insert stereotype here*. Not all women care for flowers. In fact some are allergic. I personally like things and people that smell good, but some women think cologne is too strong. It goes without saying that all women are not the same. Especially not when it comes to details.
Remember the point of you taking her on a date is to get to know her.
The Takeaway…
- Be yourself. There’s no need to put on a massive performance. Don’t do something for a woman that you wouldn’t normally do by yourself. If you don’t pray before you eat, please don’t do it just to get a woman’s attention. Then you set yourself up for giving the woman a false impression instead of giving her a good first impression.
- Listen and pay attention to her. What does she do for fun? What can you reasonably infer that she likes based on conversations you’ve had with her. Remember the point of you taking her on a date is to get to know her. It doesn’t always have to be about sweeping her off of her feet.
- Take initiative but don’t overstep. I don’t mind when a man takes initiative in regards to making the plans or choosing the location but always leave room for her to provide input.
“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven.” Matthew 6:1
