Let me start off by saying that I am very happy with where I will be going to law school. I am beyond excited for this next chapter in my life, and ready to put in the work that I know 1L year will require. The reality is it took me a while to become this excited because I experienced a fair amount of disappointment through this process. I want to get it off of my chest through this post for two reasons: first, to put it all out there and let any feelings of inadequacy go so that I can embark on this new chapter with a positive mindset. Second, I want to share my own story to demystify the idea that this process was easy sailing for me. Hopefully this can offer up some encouragement to anyone preparing for graduate school admissions this upcoming cycle.
The Pressure Was On
Before I can go into the disappointments I experienced, I want to start of by explaining why I experienced them. We experience disappointment when our hopes or expectations aren’t fulfilled.
From the age of 5, I wanted to attend Harvard College. So when that part of the dream was realized, I experienced what I imagine a lot of people experience after achieving a life-long goal: the “so what’s next?” feeling.
I got into Harvard before so if I can’t do it again, I failed.
I knew law school was next, and somewhere along the way, Harvard once again became the goal. Never mind the fact that I didn’t want to go to Harvard for law school as much as I wanted to for college. But seeing as Harvard was the bar I reached for college, it felt like I couldn’t settle for anything “less”. To make matters worse, when I would tell people I was applying to law school, one of the first questions asked would be “So are you going back to Harvard?” (By the way, add that to list of questions not to ask someone applying to grad school.) The pressure was on. From strangers, family members, and even from myself. By the start of the admissions cycle my mindset was simply “I got into Harvard before so if I can’t do it again, I failed.”
The Let Downs
But getting into any law school would be easier said than done. It’s no secret that LSAT score and GPA are the most important aspects of your application. I struggled with both. Although I didn’t know it at the time, during my junior and senior year I experienced a serious academic burnout. I over-committed myself to extracurricular obligations that I often placed above school work. My GPA would probably be considered fine by most people’s standards. Still, according to my standards, I know I could and should have done much better than I did.
At this point I was downright demoralized and yet I knew I’d either have to take the test again or forgo applying altogether.
On top of that, my LSAT experience was a true struggle. After months self-studying and not getting a satisfactory score, I turned to an LSAT class for help. It cost thousands of dollars but it helped me understand concepts with relative ease. I saw improvements in my practice test scores and felt confident enough to take the real deal in September. It was going to be my second time taking the test and I was ready to be done with it. However when I got my scores back they were lower than my lowest practice test. At this point I was downright demoralized and yet I knew I’d either have to take the test again or forgo applying altogether.
If I wanted to still get my application in at a reasonable time, the only other time I had to take the test would be the November test date. That test date just so happened to be the same day as the big Harvard-Yale football game that I planned to attend. Since I had already booked travel plans from New York to Boston, and from Boston to Amsterdam, I had to take the test in Boston. I went ghost on the day of the big game because I didn’t feel like explaining the situation to anyone. Quite frankly I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t get it right. Outside of my family, only one friend knew the truth about where I’d be during most of the Harvard-Yale festivities. Even then, while my score that time around was an improvement, it was still below what would be considered a “good enough” score. I submitted my applications far from confident that I’d get into any of my top choices.
Accepting & Appreciating Where I’m Going
I vividly remember how joyous I felt when I learned Columbia Law accepted me. After some reflection I came to terms with the fact that I didn’t want to go to Harvard Law School for myself. I wanted to prove a point, to maintain an image, and (as much as I hate to admit) to compete with others. All of which are reasons that would not make me happy for three years. I should know better because I already fell into that trap once during college.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept that the thing that’s “less” in our eyes, is actually what’s meant for us. But the truth is ALL things are working for my good.
As someone who believes that God has a plan and purpose for my life, I know wholeheartedly that He wouldn’t place me somewhere that I am not meant to be. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that the thing that’s “less” in our eyes, is actually what’s meant for us. But the truth is ALL things are working for my good. If anything, the disappointments and struggles of this process were a reminder that I have no option but to depend on God because whatever success I have experienced is through His will and not my own.
The disappointments and struggles of this process were a reminder that I have no option but to depend on God because whatever success I have experienced is through His will and not my own.
There are several reasons I know Columbia Law is the right place for me. Despite the disappointments along the way, I know Columbia is a blessing meant for me and I would not trade it for the world. There are so many reasons I’m excited to start law school, some of which I’ve explained in this Youtube Video:
WAS THERE A TIME THAT YOU FACED DISAPPOINTMENT? HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH IT?
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
