Can we have an #honestmoment real quick? Earlier this year I found myself trying to “build” a romantic relationship with someone that I knew wasn’t a good match for me. When I tell you I was forcing it…I really mean forcing it. Deep down I knew I really didn’t have much in common with the person. Conversations left me feeling more annoyed than anything. If I took a moment to be honest with myself about why I was trying to pursue that person, my answer would have been something like “I don’t like this person, I just like the concept of being in a relationship”.
After things with that person fizzled out, I knew I had to step back and really evaluate why a relationship was so important to me that I would ignore almost every red flag sent my way, just to have the chance to be in one. Here I am, months later, and after I’ve checked myself and my motives, I’m sharing how my outlook has shifted and why I’m no longer in a rush to be in a relationship:
Hey Self, It’s Nice To Meet You
This is probably the most obvious benefit about being single. You can fully have time to yourself. Keep in mind though you’ll only get out of it what you put into it. If you spend your time wallowing in pity about not being in a relationship when everyone else around you is, then you’re not really doing much to develop a sense of self. I’ve used the time to focus on developing a relationship with God which has led me to pursue blogging and Youtubing. I’m more driven and focused than ever before and that’s because I haven’t allowed myself to get distracted by ideas about a relationship status defining me.
I’m more driven and focused than ever before and that’s because I haven’t allowed myself to get distracted by ideas about a relationship status defining me.
Don’t get me wrong though, there is a fine line between the “I’m enjoying getting to know myself” independence and the “I don’t need a man” mentality. Ultimately I’d like to be in a relationship and I won’t go as far as saying I never want to be in one. But for now, I’m good with Me, Myself, and I.
Quality Over Quantity
I can easily tell when I’m compatible with someone I’m interested in. I certainly don’t need to experience that much trial and error to know what works for me and thats the result of having a strong sense of self. I’d much rather enter one strong and long lasting relationship than bounce around from person to person and situationship to situationship. I know if I rush into just any ole relationship, I’d be sacrificing quality.
I’d much rather enter one strong and long lasting relationship than bounce around from person to person and situationship to situationship.
Don’t get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a large amount of romantic experiences. But think about it this way: would you rather have a bunch of surface level friendships spread out over the course of your life or a handful of strong and consistent “ride-or-dies”? I don’t need tons of hi-and-bye friends around. I’d much rather have that small core group that’s in it for the long haul. For me, the same concept applies to relationships. I know what works for me and why there really is no point in trying to force a relationship for the sake of saying I’m in one.
Reclaiming My TimeĀ
Auntie Maxine said it best. If there is one thing I truly dislike, it’s wasting time. What do I mean by that? I mean spending time on things that don’t have purpose or don’t add value to my life. Some people worry about time passing and fear getting older without being in a relationship. On the other hand, I fear being in a relationship that either has no purpose of its own or, even worse, drives me away from fulfilling my purpose in life. This perspective change made it a lot easier for me to find satisfaction with taking my time. Slow and steady wins the race.
I fear being in a relationship that either has no purpose of its own or, even worse, drives me away from fulfilling my purpose in life.
Final Thoughts
I hope this was able to encourage any of you who are single and struggling to be happy in the face of pressure to be in a relationship. Keep grinding and working towards your goals. Everything will fall into place at the right time.
“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life”
I Corinthians 7:17
