If you’ve checked out my 2019 goals post, you’d already know that I have plans to return to grad school in the near future. While I don’t have any news to share yet, I know firsthand how nerve wracking and anxiety inducing applying to both college and grad schools can be. Even though everyone is different, and responds to their process in their own way, chances are there are certain questions that don’t do much to ease the nerves of the application process. I’m not speaking for every single person who has applied to grad school but more often than not, your friends and acquaintances will be thankful that you didn’t ask these questions while they were still waiting to hear back.

“What Did You Get On The LSAT/GRE/GMAT/MCAT?”

Everyone has to take some sort of standardized test to get into grad school. That’s just the world we live in. From the costs of preparing for and taking the exam to the hours spent studying, entrance exams are stressful to say the least. In some cases, standardized tests may be a fair indicator of grad school performance. Yet asking questions about test scores reduces people to the result of a test, rather than a complex applicant. It sends a message that the grad school admissions process is simply a numbers game, when that’s likely not true.

In the same way that you probably didn’t ask your friends their grade on every quiz, midterm, and final, or their GPA at that, avoid asking about their test scores. If they offer that information up because they did well and they’re proud, great! Otherwise, I’d err on the side of not asking at all or at least waiting until they’ve received acceptances and made a final decision.

“What Are All The Schools You’re Applying To?” 

This question seems harmless but once again I’d advise letting the applicant offer this information, instead of asking for it. Why? For one, they don’t owe you an answer. I’ve tried to wrap my head around good reasons that someone would want to know the schools you’ve applied to, but I can’t think of many other than just pure curiosity at best, or judgement and competition at worst. Neither are good enough reasons. Some prefer to keep this information private because it reduces the pressure  of having others anticipating admissions outcomes as well. Once again, if someone offers up this information, that’s fine. It’s what their comfortable with. If not, that’s fine too. I’m sure they’ll be happy to tell you about their final matriculation decision!

“Are You Sure Grad School Is Necessary?”

If your friend or whomever you are speaking to, lets you know that they are applying to grad school, best believe they’ve thought long and hard about their decision. How do I know? Because grad school is long, hard, and expensive. Most understand how much of a commitment it is and you asking this question doesn’t do much besides try to discourage them from the decision.

Better Questions To Ask:

The thoughts behind the questions I just listed are valid ones. Keeping that in mind, I’ve included better questions to ask your friend or anyone you meet that’s applying to grad school.

Why Do You Want To Go To Grad School?

This is the better alternative to the “are you sure about it?” question. As I’ve already mentioned, people think long and hard about going to grad school. It is definitely fair game for them to have an answer prepared for this question because chances are, they’ll have to write an entire application essay on it or speak about it in an interview. This question is a great way to start a conversation about career goals and long term aspirations without invading any privacy.

How Are You Feeling Through The Process?

Everyone wants to ask you about what your scores are or what your school list is before they even check in to see how you’re doing. Don’t be that person. If I haven’t said it enough already, applying to grad schools is stressful and anxiety inducing. It’s gets to even the strongest or calmest people. Just because someone isn’t visibly stressed doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Be considerate and just take a moment to ask them how they are feeling. You should also be prepared to change the subject if they don’t want to talk about it at all. Find something else to bring up that will take their mind off of it!

Final Thoughts

Everyone is different. I can’t speak for all grad school applicants when I say that some questions should be off limits. Still, I do believe there are ways to approach the situation that allow for privacy and respect of boundaries. Some people would feel fine offering up information. Others prefer to make moves in silence. Just be sure to ask yourself: Am I asking this question to support them or am I asking this question out of my own curiosity and self-interest? Once the dust has settled and the admissions process is over with, if you’re genuinely seeking advice, there are many who would be happy to answer any questions you have!

#EniGivenSunday