A year ago I was in the thick of preparing for the LSAT and getting my application together for law school. Now, I’m just 5 days away from law school pre-orientation and 8 days away from orientation. I know there are plenty of people out there who are currently where I was about a year ago. Unfortunately, there are few things that are more frustrating and disheartening than having unsupportive friends. I’ve outlined a list of do’s and dont’s for ways to support your friend applying to grad school.
Do: Check In Often
Your friend may or may not be forthcoming with how they are feeling during the process. That shouldn’t stop you from sending text messages (or communicating however you usually communicate) to ask how they are doing or feeling, and if they are taking care of themselves through the process. Remember to stay away from invasive questions that you really don’t need to know the answer to, like where they are applying to school for example.
Don’t: Suggest That They Are Overreacting
“It’s not that serious” is the worst thing you could say to someone preparing for one of the most pivotal moments of their education and career. Honestly it’s probably the worst thing you can say to anyone who is stressed or on edge. First of all, let me tell you it is that serious. Second of all, when you say words to suggest that they need to relax or calm down, you’re really insinuating that their feelings are invalid. If you’re genuinely concerned that your friend has taken on too much stress, something like “You’ve been working really hard lately and I can tell this is very important to you. I just want to make sure you’re leaving time to take care of yourself. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help ease the stress or take your mind off of it.”
On the flip side, don’t imply that they aren’t doing enough. Everyone’s process is different and if they can manage to hang out, turn up, work and study all at once, then so be it.
Do: Be Mindful of Their Financial Situation
Applying to grad school is EXPENSIVE. Grad school is EXPENSIVE. Obviously everyone is coming from different financial situations. You’ll probably never know the full extent of your friend’s circumstances. No matter how close you are (or think you are), never make assumptions. Be mindful of pushing forward plans for international trips or eating out often or really anything that involves money. Encourage healthy spending habits and saving because that’s important not only for your friend but for you too!
Don’t: Ask If They’ve Heard Back From Schools Yet
I can’t speak for all grad school admissions timelines, but most law schools release admissions decisions on a rolling basis. That means you can hear from schools at any time after you’ve submitted your applications. As you can imagine, this can be very anxiety-inducing (especially if you’re on those forums checking to see if others have heard back yet). Don’t add to the anxiety by asking. Let your friend share any news admissions results on their own volition.
Do: Offer Any Resources That You Come Across
This will probably be unique to your situation. It is most applicable to those who are applying to grad schools at the same time as their friend, especially if you’re applying to the same time of school. Don’t be stingy with resources. Believe it or not it is not a competition. If you saw a great post or article about scholarship opportunities, test prep course discounts or anything related to the process, pass it along to your friend.
Don’t: Get Mad If You See or Hear From Them Less
Grad school is no joke. I say this pretty often but it is way too expensive for you to be playing around with your applications and course work in general. Understand that they may have to scale back the outings and adventures to study for a test or prepare their application. Don’t take it personal and as mentioned earlier, do not tell them that they are overreacting. Appreciate their grind and dedication to their goals, then plan a celebratory hangout for when their process is over and they’ve made a final decision!
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER WAYS YOU THINK YOU COULD SUPPORT YOUR FRIEND APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL?
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13
