What would my 20s be if dating weren’t the most pressing topic almost each and every day (insert upside down smiling face emoji). At the end of last year I spoke about how I’m definitely content being single. That is definitely still true, but I will say I wrote that post at a time when I wasn’t actively seeing, “talking” to, or dating people regularly. Since then, things have picked up a bit, but have no fear, your girl is still flying solo. I’m fine with where I am, but I must admit that there is something increasingly frustrating about multiples runs through the infamous dating cycle:
So how exactly do I plan on saving myself from more wasted energy and unfulfilled expectations? Well first of all, just so we are clear, it’s impossible to save myself from this 100% of the time. But what I am about to share has already saved me from getting hopes up or feelings involved unnecessarily. So let’s get into it.
I’m An “Over-thinker”, or So I Thought…
You probably already know what I mean when I say I tend to overthink. Perhaps its rooted in a slight lack of confidence, but whenever I’m into someone, I think hard about what I could do to make sure everything works, at least for the time being. “How soon should I reply to texts? Am I doing too much if I double text? Why hasn’t he responded? Did I say something that was weird or awkward? Did I use too proper grammar (yes, that’s a real one sometimes)? Maybe he’s busy right now? But he’s posting on social media…” Literally the list goes on and on. I had gotten accustomed to overthinking so much, that I know what to do to talk myself out of it and calm my thoughts down. I’m an over-thinker by nature, or so I thought…
It was the first time in my life, that I did not overthink for a second.
My outlook shifted after an experience with someone in particular earlier this year. It was the first time in my life, that I did not overthink for a second. I never had to wonder if this person wanted to see me. I never had to second guess whether or not I should send the text I wanted to send. Also, I didn’t need to seem a certain type of way to get their attention. When they wanted to see me, they said it and made plans. When I texted, they replied. That was that. Ultimately it didn’t work out because I didn’t see a future with them. But I learned a valuable lesson. So what did this teach me? And what’s my “new rule” (which is of course why you came to this post)? Here it is:
I’m not an over-thinker, he’s just giving me room to overthink and if he’s giving me room to overthink, he’s just not that into me.
Lesson Learned
My experience with this guy taught me that I’m not an over-thinker by nature, rather I overthink when I’m given room to overthink. I overthink when there is a lack of clarity. When interest isn’t made clear. Or if it is made clear, the follow through game is weak. And if a person’s interest isn’t clear enough for my mind to be settled, it’s simply not strong enough to reciprocate or pursue.
If a person’s interest isn’t clear enough for my mind to be settled, it’s simply not strong enough for me to reciprocate.
Bottom Line: It’s Really About Communication
I know myself. I’m a pretty rational and reasonable woman. When I say interest isn’t clear enough, I don’t mean a guy has to have me flown out on the first date for his intentions to be clear. I’m not asking for a love at first sight situation either. I simply mean that I shouldn’t have to wonder or ask why we haven’t linked up yet. I shouldn’t have to make up stories in my mind about when or why I’ll receive a text or a DM back. Trust me, from now on I won’t. I’ll take lack of clarity as disinterest and keep it pushing. No hard feelings.
If you want to send a text, do it. If you want to meet up, set it up.
So if you’re reading this right now, and wondering how to come correct (not just to me, but to any woman, honestly) you can start off by being clear. If you want to send a text, do it. If you want to see them, let them know. Want to meet up? Set it up. When you can’t, but really want to, own that and let them know why. Don’t leave room for someone to overthink.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY NEW DATING RULE?
“If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them.” Titus 3:10
